A man's fate hangs on a jar of urine like this one.

Things are looking grim for Floyd Landis with ...   more »

Don't drink it Floyd!  It's been Lanced!

Many commentators marveled at the strange way the Tour de France unfolded this ...   more »

Thor Hushovd lays prostrate, his yellow jersey soaked with blood, after he was struck down near the finish of today's second ...   more »

A CEBLE (Certified Body Language Expert) such as  myself easily notes the end of the AC/Sheryl relationship, evident long before the ...   more »

The dog pictured above swam with its master, also pictured, 1.2 miles from Alcatraz Island to shore in an annual San Francisco race.  Apparently he’s the first dog to make the swim. 

 

If someone could teach this dog to ride a bike, he could become the world’s first triathlon dog, since he certainly has the swimming part down and any dog can run fast and for a long time.  Since they run a famous triathlon out of Alcatraz he can enter that one.  All that remains to be done is for someone to invent a bike that a dog can ride, and then train this dog to ride it.

 

Again, this is another brilliant idea I’ve put out to the public, just waiting for someone to take off and run with (no pun intended).  The dog will then be able to challenge Lance Armstrong when he returns to triathlon, as he’s indicated he might do.

 

 

As I am writing this, it is a forgone conclusion that Lance Armstrong will once again win the Tour de France.  He secured his overall victory with a decisive win in yesterday’s time trial—which by the way I have yet to see or read about in detail.  I do know that at least one rider, the man in 3d place (at the time) Michael Rassmussen, fell almost right out of the gate, with Lance looking on—perhaps using his super powers to knock the other rider off his bike.

 

Today, before the start of the final, essentially congratulatory leg of the race, an OLN correspondent asked Lance what he intended to do after he retired from racing (which means after today since Lance has announced this is his last race.)  Cleverly, Lance said he intended to drink some beers.  What better way to try to get in good with the common man—in fact, so appealing is that answer that I almost let my guard down and forgot that this man is the anti-Christ.  Then Lance said he wanted to ride motorcycles, and some other crap; mostly reckless kinds of sports that he claimed he couldn’t do as an active athlete because of the risk of injury—yeah, as if the spawn of Satan can really get hurt.  Even metastasized cancer couldn’t kill this guy—you think crashing a motorcycle at 90mph or skydiving without a parachute is going to even give him a scratch?  C’mon!

 

What Lance sneakily got past the interviewer again, with his charming answers, was his real plan—TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND ENSLAVE MANKIND!  But I’m just pissing in the wind.

 

FINAL NOTE ON LANCE:  In case any dunderheads out there really believe I hate Lance Armstrong let me just say this—I wish I did.  But unfortunately, in my heart of hearts, I like just about everybody else, can’t believe just how strong and decent this guy seems to be.  Just kinda makes you sick, doesn’t it.

 

These are actual photos of the suspected London bombers recently put out by the British police.  Apparently, nobody has picked up on the fifth photo, which clearly seems to show Lance Armstrong!  He's obviously wearing some kind of disguise--dark glasses, funny hat, loud yellow shirt.  The other suspect bears a striking resemblance to Donald Trump.  Scotland Yard just isn't what it used to be.  How could Lance make it from the Tour de France to London while the race is going on, unnoticed?  You know.  As for Trump, he'll evidently do anything to stay in the news.

In this shocking photo, we see the anti-Christ, Lance Armstrong dangling a baby lion over a very high podium while smiling and waving a bouquet of devil weeds.  Look how unconcerned he is about the fate of the poor beast!  Kinda reminds you of another anti-Christ candidate, Michael Jackson, when he dangled his baby out the window.  But Michael Jackson isn't the anti-Christ, in fact, we now know, thanks to a jury that apparently attended "Low IQ High", that he's just a highly misunderstood mental case.

Why the animal rights groups all over the globe haven't leaped on this scoop I don't know.  Perhaps Lance is exerting some super mind control power over them to ignore the outrage. 

Today the Washington Post has a review of a new book about Lance Armstrong called “Lance Armstrong:  The Anti-Christ ...   more »

Yesterday, in my continuing quest to prove that Lance Armstrong is in fact the anti-Christ, I interviewed an expert on ...   more »

I haven’t written much about Lance Armstrong’s—I mean the anti-Christ’s—recent performances in the Tour de France, because he is obviously taking a low profile.  More and more racers drop out, including his own teammate Manuel Beltran who fell and hit his head and suffered a memory loss.  Could the memory loss be connected to possibly finding out the truth about Lance?

 

Anyway though, the AC does use the race to point out the folly of much human endeavor.  The TdF gives example to much of that, seeing as the race itself is basically an exercise in torture for three weeks.  “Suffering” is a byword of the bike riders.  A rider who doesn’t “suffer” doesn’t deserve to win.  But suffering doesn’t always bring reward as was demonstrated yesterday when two riders, including an American, lost a breakaway.  This happens a lot, but in this case the breakaway was overtaken by the pack only in the last 100 meters or so.  Why?  Because the two riders each wanted to win the race and so neither wanted to take the lead in the last meters and “pull” the other along.  So instead of riding like hell for the finish they pissed around and both got overtaken.  Neither one ended up even in the top 20 I don’t think.  Lance—I mean AC—must have been chuckling over their comeuppance.  By the way, AC never lets that happen to him, being a supernatural being he’s always willing to race to the end, and even give away a victory to better his time.  See normal humans can’t do that, but the AC can.

Lance Armstrong—I mean the anti-Christ (sorry)—took back the yellow jersey yesterday in the Tour de France.  Some might say it was a gutsy ride in which a top athlete reasserted his dominance over his closest rivals.  I say, more evidence of a malevolent spirit destroying his opponents through some kind of underhanded power we can only slightly comprehend. 

 

What is clear is that the AC brutally used and abused his teammates on the way to the top of the mountain yesterday.  Oh sure, you say, that’s what teammates are for.  But are they really just galley slaves made to suffer, blow out their legs and lungs, so that one skinny man with a hot rock star girlfriend can garner even more glory?  Apparently in the eyes of Beelzebub, the Dark Lord, the answer is yes.  Using his invisible whip the AC lashed his poor teammates into escorting him, literally pulling him up that big hill, until having no more use for their wasted bodies, he took off on his own to reclaim the lead in the race—all that suffering just so he could put on a yellow shirt!   

Today the anti-Christ, Lance Armstrong, gave up the yellow jersey in the Tour de France.  Some may say “This means your theory is just a big pile of shit.”  To those “some” I say, consider these things:

 

First, AC said all along he would give up the yellow jersey so that he wouldn’t be a target throughout the race—translation—to take suspicion off of himself.  Second, he gave up the yellow jersey to a GERMAN.  Third, today’s result left Lance 2:18 behind the leader.  Now if you multiply 2 by 3 you get the number 6.  If you divide 18 by 3 you also get 6.  If you add all the numbers in 2:18 you get 11.  Subtract 5 and what do you have?  You have another 6.  Put all three sixes together and you have 666.  If you could see my face right now there would be a sly look on it saying SEE dummy!  Do you get it now?

The mask dropped a little today off the face of Lance Armstrong (also now revealed here, exclusively, as the anti-Christ) when he had a tough ride today and was abandoned by his teammates.  Lance practically threatened to impale and slowly roast them for dinner tonight, his eyes burning with hellfire.  I wouldn't want to be a member of Team Discovery today.  I was frightened of the AC watching him interviewed today, and I was 3000 miles away.  He better keep his cool or he won't be able to fool the rest of the people about his identity for long.

For those who think my identification of Lance Armstrong as the anti-Christ is insane, check out this website, hopefully the link will work, where Lance was picked in an internet survey of possible anti-Christs.  Note too, Oprah is on the list--can I pick'em or what.  In case the link doesn't work, the website is called www.holyobserver.com.  You'd probably have to do a search to then find the survey.

The anti-Christ is being careful now that I’ve identified him.  He’s trying hard not to let his identity slip ...   more »

Ever the clever one, the anti-Christ (known to most people as Lance Armstrong) refused to wear the yellow jersey out ...   more »

It’s always fun (well for me at least, since in summers I don’t have much to do) to puzzle out ...   more »